family · grief · laotian · losing a sibling

I lost my brother. What do you say??

What do you say to someone who just lost her brother tragically? True, there are no manuals or guidance for this sort of thing. So maybe I can guide everyone along the way. This is my personal manual for the guide to dealing with me personally.

Highly Encouraged…

  • It’s okay to send your love, prayer, and support. In fact, It’s highly recommended. The more love, the better I say. People have been coming out of the woodworks to send their condolences.
  • Feel free to reach out to me via phone, text, email, or some sort of messaging app or service. I’m not an alien. I haven’t changed. My brother died but I’m still alive and well. Invite me out as you normally would. Keeping things as normal as possible helps me grieve properly. It reminds me that I am loved.
  • It’s okay to let me know you don’t know what to say or do. Like i said, there’s no manual on this sort of thing.
  • Do joke around with me and make me laugh. Laughter is everythang! Even the fat jokes are kinda funny. It keeps my mind off the sadness.

Tread lightly…

  • Don’t ask too many questions. My brother just died and I don’t how or why. Keep in mind that I have had to explain this to approximately 300 other people. That’s why I actually find Facebook helpful. I can mass message the world. Some days, I am just too tired to explain. It’s nothing personal. I’m just mentally exhausted. Did it every occur to you that even if I knew what happened, maybe I just want to keep it private to honor my brother? What if he committed suicide? What if he overdosed on drugs? Do I really need to keep going? Unless you know him personally, does it really matter how he died? He’s gone now. Let me talk  about it when I am ready.
  • Don’t feel sorry for me. I accept your sympathies but please remember, as I stated earlier, I am still alive and well.
  • Don’t try to advise me on how to deal with the pain. Save your optimism for another time. It hurts right now. I really don’t want to know that “everything happens for a reason.” You will never know this pain unless you’ve experienced it yourself. It’s honestly better to say nothing.

I love you all. Don’t take it the wrong way. Some days are better than others. For the most part, I am grieving right now. Please let me grieve. It is the natural process of life.







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