What do you say to someone who just lost her brother tragically? True, there are no manuals or guidance for this sort of thing. So maybe I can guide everyone along the way. This is my personal manual for the guide to dealing with me personally.
Highly Encouraged…
- It’s okay to send your love, prayer, and support. In fact, It’s highly recommended. The more love, the better I say. People have been coming out of the woodworks to send their condolences.
- Feel free to reach out to me via phone, text, email, or some sort of messaging app or service. I’m not an alien. I haven’t changed. My brother died but I’m still alive and well. Invite me out as you normally would. Keeping things as normal as possible helps me grieve properly. It reminds me that I am loved.
- It’s okay to let me know you don’t know what to say or do. Like i said, there’s no manual on this sort of thing.
- Do joke around with me and make me laugh. Laughter is everythang! Even the fat jokes are kinda funny. It keeps my mind off the sadness.
Tread lightly…
- Don’t ask too many questions. My brother just died and I don’t how or why. Keep in mind that I have had to explain this to approximately 300 other people. That’s why I actually find Facebook helpful. I can mass message the world. Some days, I am just too tired to explain. It’s nothing personal. I’m just mentally exhausted. Did it every occur to you that even if I knew what happened, maybe I just want to keep it private to honor my brother? What if he committed suicide? What if he overdosed on drugs? Do I really need to keep going? Unless you know him personally, does it really matter how he died? He’s gone now. Let me talk about it when I am ready.
- Don’t feel sorry for me. I accept your sympathies but please remember, as I stated earlier, I am still alive and well.
- Don’t try to advise me on how to deal with the pain. Save your optimism for another time. It hurts right now. I really don’t want to know that “everything happens for a reason.” You will never know this pain unless you’ve experienced it yourself. It’s honestly better to say nothing.
I love you all. Don’t take it the wrong way. Some days are better than others. For the most part, I am grieving right now. Please let me grieve. It is the natural process of life.
Love,
Noy
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