My therapist suggested I start writing my story. So here it is.
I am not the same. I can never be the same again. For the most part, I am relatively happy. No matter how happy I am, the grief I carry still weighs on my heart. I will never know why god took my brother. I will never understand why he was the chosen one or why he left the world the way he did. In fact, I will never know how it happened because his manner of death was left as “undetermined.”
When I am alone, I feel the sadness the most. Being around friends and family really does help. Having a supportive network of people who care about you is the key to healing. I am fortunate to have that. Something i have also found helpful also has been group therapy. No matter how much my friends are there for me, they can never truly understand what it’s like to lose a sibling as tragically as I did unless they have experienced a similar lost. This grief is different from when I lost my father. I was at peace with my father’s passing. I am still find my peace with losing Keon.
Please understand that because I am going through this, it is just especially difficult for me to be fully present as a friend. I can feel the stress of a sad friend, and it actually triggers my own sad emotions.I am simply a grieving sister. Everyone else’s problems seem minimal to me right now. It’s not because I am being dismissive. It’s more that I think to myself, that no matter what you are going through, no matter how rough, just remember, that person is still here.
I hope that someday, someone who has to experience a similar grief, can read this and know that they are not alone.